Is it safe out there?

Today, after a lot of days, have I gathered the courage to pour in my thoughts. The conflicting realities have now become unbearable for me. I need a place to vomit.

For a long time, I have been wearing a cloak. From time to time, I take the time to take off my cloak but times have proved, that it has never helped me. But do I ought to get helped? Maybe yes, maybe no. But maybe that’s not the question I need to focus on, what I seek to find answer to is the question: is it safe out there?

There’s a me that I know is me, but that me is too perplexed at the absurd absurdness of everyday absurdity. Things that are useless, emotions that are fabricated, education that is rubrics, friendships that are pressurized, cruelties that are overlooked, glamour that is overpriced, news that is hype, and humans that have long since forgotten that they are actually humans. All this and much more is too insane to be comprehended, but yet this is the world I live in, so what do I do? Whenever I am heading out, I just simply take on my cloak, my cloak of professional seriousness and indifference, just so that my valuable work and skills don’t get undervalued.

But this cloak is too heavy for me to carry, and for how long will I have to wear this cloak? I fear that if I wear it for long enough, that cloak will become a part of myself, indistinguishable from the timid being that hides behind it. Every now and then, I see people on the internet — it’s like finding a needle in a haystack, their gems of thoughts lying undiscovered in the ocean of digital garbage — that I feel are unveiled people, and that empowers me to get rid of my cloak too, but many of them are also those people who have survived the system, somehow. They hadn’t been cast away as non-serious, unprofessional, unproductive, lazy — or maybe they were at some point?

The question is still there. Is it safe out there? Can I survive with the blatant admission of my unacceptance of all those absurdities? The question is a real dilemma because apparently, the answer seems a big no! When you point out the absurdities of the system in which people reside, they take it on themselves and feel endangered by the question of validity of their everyday tasks. As a result, they try to defend themselves and they do so by attacking you. But on the other hand, that handful of people in distant space-time took the effort to present their unveiled thoughts — something that to me, feels like a pat on the shoulder. It feels so strange that people who have never known you and the people whom you have never known can feel like the people you are the closest with.

The question still remains, but the answer it seems is not so simple. I have to learn from them. I have to be strategic in my approach. I have to fight those addictions and seductions that this absurd system offers. I have to devise a strategy and prepare myself to pay the price. Surviving in this system is costly indeed, and I need to admit, there is a price to pay.